'Kelam kabut'

I have a very 'kelam kabut' personality. Basically, correct me if I'm wrong, but 'kelam kabut' means haphazard in english. I think it means a person who is very irrational, fickle minded and who does things in an illogical manner!!

I was trying to change a few things with my uni timetable this morning. And I realised what an utter mess I had made of it!!!!

Basically now, with my current timetable I will have to go to uni 5 days a week for a mere 11.5 hrs. Its ridiculous!!!

What irritates me is that I had the opportunity to arrange a timetable well. On enrolment date December last year I was one of the first people to get into the website which meant that I had first preference for my classes.

I could have chosen a well fitting timetable of 2-3 days. Unfortunately, as my preference for certain subjects vacillated and found myself with a timetable of 5 dayS!

Thank God my semester 2 timetable is neatly organised :D

All I'm hoping now is that I get into the classes I want, the Tues-Friday classes. I'm on the waiting list at the moment and have first preference if somebody drops out. But not many people drop out of these high demand classes so I'm basically screwed!

Anyway I'm reminded to have faith and just let everything work itself out. Its no point in stressing over something that has already been done.

I've missed my opportunity to do KLC (Kingsford Legal Centre), the opportunity to work in a real legal centre doing real legal work. But I'm hopeful I get a placement for Redfern Legal Centre.

This is your life, is this who you wanna be?!

Damn, another catchy Switchfoot lyric in my head! Its all your fault Carina!

Jk of course, I've been invited to go see Switchfoot live when they perform 1st March here in Sydney. I'm definitely gonna go at this stage, I'm looking at how to get tickets. Should be so worth it!

Had a good Sunday today. Had church as usual, and then had my first piano lesson with Christo in the afternoon at his place. I'm upset at spending so much on the transportation to Pyrmont tho, I spent a total of $10.60 on the trip from Town Hall to Pyrmont, and from Pyrmont back to Central. Thats like a weeks worth of train tickets from Gordon to the city!

Was unsuccessful in finding a suitable mahjong set this afternoon after lunch, I think I might just get one if I can bargain it down to $20. Don't know why the dodgy chinatown vendors seem unwilling to budge.

Need to sleep!

And it looks like the sky is Caaaavin' in today.. doo doo doo

Can't get that switchfoot song out of my head (erosion). Such a catchy song!

Saw the video clip for 'Dare you to move today' in the myer staffroom. It was pretty impressive, and I guess the message of the song is clearly portrayed. The setting of the clip reminded me of all those teen dramas I love watching, like OC and Dawsons hehe

So work was good today, I'm back in Mens Icons (menswear including Tommy Hillfinger, Ralph Polo Lauren etc etc) for some strange reason having been denied a transfer back to Mens Shoes. I think my manager thinks that I bludge around in Shoes, which is partly true. The company there is heaps good but, I laugh so much just being there.

Only have a bit more than a month to go on my contract with Myer.

Time to eat, blog laterz

Happy Australia Day!

26th January 2005. This is probably one of the first times I've ever spent Australia Day in Australia. In the 17 years of my life this probably counts as my first Australia Day, how can this be?

Well, I'm usually in Malaysia this time of year so it isn't surprising I guess.

Hmm, had a relaxing day. Just woke up from an unintended arvo nap.

The women's tennis quarter final was dramatic enough. Davenport pulled through, beating local favourite Alicia Molik in three sets, 6-4, 4-6, 9-7

Whatever whatever whatever

yeah my blog doesnt' look so crap anymore!

So i tried editing the html on my blog without much success, the layout looked really crap and I had no idea what was going on. Anyway thanks Jase and Gas for the helpful comments, I'll ask you guys soon about the counter and tracker blah blah.. Sometimes I wish I were more computer literate, there's so much you can do with computers besides typing word documents, talking on msn and watching legally downloaded movies.

Had a tiring day today, very fulfilling but tiring nonetheless. Been in and out of the house like crazy, I'm looking forward to a day where I can remain at home and do nothing. Looks like my wish will be answered soon as my precious Corolla will be taken for repairs on Monday, which means I will be 'carless' from next wk.

Played tennis from 9.20 to 3.45 pm today, it was a really good workout! Sweated like mad, and its amazing that I got by playing with my quicksilver thongs hehe

Went to Ju-yan's 21st at Istana at 7.30pm tonite. Made it right on time, well if the party started at 7.30pm I would have been on time. I'm very proud that I made it there in like 15mins, I seriously was not pushing the car at all!

Twas a pretty good dinner, good food, good conversation at times with Ju-yan's friends. I've met some of them before last year at Ju-yan's 20th, can't believe its been a year since then. But they look like a good bunch of people. There was this girl who looked like Michelle Branch, forgot her name but she was very friendly :)

Bluesky forum on Friday nite was good, good turnout and it was a refreshing change from the usual Friday nite service.

Whats is wrong with saying that you are going to a friend's place because he's lonely?!

This is a tribute to a dear friend, who gets funny ideas when people make innocent statements over the phone such as

" I'm at XX's place because he has nothing to do and we're watching MULAN 2 (y'know the disney film about the true story of Chinese heroine Hua Mu Lan?)

Note: I did not use the phrase 'I'm going to XX's place because he's lonely'

So what if I had used that phrase anyway? People with dirty sick minds interpret things the way they want!

It was just an innocent outing to a friend's place to hang out. hehe

anyway this is the best I can come up with today~

Disclaimer*
this is intended to be a non-serious piece of writing

aargh! blogging can be frustrating!

hey guys!

anybody know how to put a counter on my blog?

I also want to put links on my blog to other blogs. I tried that 'wateva' website Jase, but for some reason it doesn't work! so frustrating!!!

hehe
Thanks

The trip is better than the destination

I was driving along concord road today from strathfield t at 50k in the pouring rain, looking at a pitch black sky being illuminated by brilliant white flashes. The moon was still visible even with the rain clouds, it was an startling sight, a little scary but I marvelled in natures beauty.

Anyway the scene got me thinking about the countless times I've enjoyed being in the car. I love the freedom of driving, just by myself, on an empty road out at night, with the radio on. But I like even more the times I've been in the car with company, the late night one on one chats about 'stuff'. Its great, the trip, wherever it may be, is always better than the destination itself.

Anyway that was me trying to write a long poetic thing about nothing, msn messages have rudely interrupted my train of thought. Damn that orange blinking!!! (msn lights up as orange when I rcv a message)

Mahjong is a great game!

I worked today, for the first time in over a week! last time I worked was on a Wednesday before Tracy's 21st, I took the saturday off to attend the party and I've had heaps of free time ever since.

Anyway played mahjong with high school people tonight. MJ is always fun! And it was good to catch up with them again, it made me happy.

Anyway have to rush off to talk to Kelvin now
Keith

Monday's beach outing rocked!

So I had a good time today, just being on a beautiful beach with good company, at the end of the day you just feel so fulfilled, glowing even. So thats what summer should be about, the surf, the sand, beautiful cloudless blue skies, kids playing making sandcastles, people smiling, hot bodies hehe

Seriously, going to the beach just makes you kinda perverted. Cos there are so many buff bods around, you can't ignore the urge to look at your own bod and compare, you feel so fat and ugly compared to everybody else! I guess its good in a sense to check out other bods in order to get the motivation to get yourself healthy and fit. There were so many interesting body shapes at the beach, there was this one kid who I swear looked like a cross between a Brazilian and white Aussie. He had the most tanned skin, which looked really dark, and his hair was like brilliant white blonde. The image of him just struck me as really unusual. I never thought Aussie kids could look so different with a tan.

Being at the beach the last few days have got my brain cells activated again!

I've discovered, by just sitting on the beach pondering, the root of my unhappiness. That root would happen to be an inferiority complex. I think I am working through it though, this complex was even worse in me a few years ago when I first started uni. Its the feeling of not having any worth, of not feeling appreciated, and the consequent feeling that nothing you do really matters because you are so inferior and insignficant. I still deal with this problem now, and its a feeling that makes you lonely cos you wonder about the strength of your relationships, you wonder whether you do have any worth, whether any body cares for you or not.

I struggled with it a bit today, but somehow the sun shone again and I saw the solution to my self-constructed problems. The warmth and brilliance of those around you can really make a difference in an individual's life. It is a blessing to have people around you to make the walk of life more bearable.

Everybody is convinced that every other person besides them have better lives, have better friends, have better houses and cars, don't go through the same problems, get better grades at uni, ... I've only just realised this! I can't believe that our human nature compels us to think so narrowly and shallowly!!! Why do we as humans compare what we have and who we are? Are we all so petty minded? Do "successful" people think this way or do they have a greater sense of self worth stemming from a realisation that what they have is good and the grass is not necessarily greener next door?

In my opinion successful people, which i define as people who have self-confidence which propels them to succeed in life do not compare themselves with others. This doesn't mean that they are not aware of what is happening around them, they are definitely aware of what is going on.

The difference with successful people is that instead of feeling jealous or inferior when finding out about another person's success, they try to learn and emulate from that success. So in other words the difference is all in the mind, its an attitude. Jealous and inferior emotions have no place, and successful people learn how to block these emotions in order to cultivate the right spirit.

Monday 10th January 2004

I'm soooo happy!!!! I've just discovered bit torrent.. aaah.. so much to LEGALLY d/l so little time. Honestly I feel like a kid in a candy store.. so whats nxt to dl?

hehe

Anyway, thanks Jason (Walker) for reminding me that I still have a blog. Its good to write, and after watching Finding Neverland I'm really inspired to develop imagination and creativity.
Honestly it was such a good movie, and to think that I nearly passed up the opportunity to watch it. It was a good $11.70 spent, so much better than crappy Blade Trinity! Go watch it Gene! if you haven't done so alredy... it really is moving.

Damn, I'm getting lost in msn conversations whilst I write again. Talk about stifling creativity! I can't work in these conditions!!!!!

I've had a really good week! I've just had activites keeping my busy, it gets your mind off depressing thoughts and exercise makes you happy cos endorphins are activated etc rite? (cf legally bond)

Lucy's b'day party was cool, indoor rock climbing rocked (sorry bad joke) . In fact it was last Monday. Rushed to city from St Leonards to city, had a KFC Team Pack? at George Str, then went to k @ big Echo. Twas fun, we were there from 8pm-2am , 6 hrs of non stop k ain't bad, and we outlasted all Lucy's COFA frens (poolcleaners@yahoogroup lol) too hehe...

Tennis, which I organised on Tuesday, was a hit (sorry another bad jokE!!!) . SEriously, we were hardcore, played from 11am to 6pm, it was raining in the morning when we started and then it cleared up miraculuously! thanks God, and pastor Andy!

Bluesky summer program started on Friday, service was good 2. I felt a little flat after, but it was good to talk to other people in the congregation 2, and get to know them better. Summer has such a great effect on people, people are much more relaxed and talkative!

Then Tracey's 21st on Sat was cool fun! Supersoakers, fried chicken, pinyatas (spelling?) what can't go wrong? Weather was good, and bicentennial park was pleasant as 2.

So, that was my life last wk. I worked during those times too, its all in a daze now! Fun fun, I'll miss myer people when my contract ends.

The first day of 2005

It began well, woke up at 10 ish, then decided the world wouldn't end so slept in til 11.30.
The rest of the day is hazy.. lol.. lots of msn chats, talked to kelvin who's back in melaka partying with cousin Ryan, blah blah

Mowed the lawn and washed the car... lol.. this is really boring!

New Years' eve was fun, met up with uni ppl in the afternoon at Milsons Pt and 'helped' them prepare dinner for the nite. Sushi and 'woh tip' (huo tie?) was an interesting combination hehe
Then dogged them at 7pm for a 'private function' also in Milsons Point. More eating there, hehe, nasi lemak ;) So, I'm beginning to think that its pretty pointless trying to list every single thing that I did but the most memorable things from last nite are
the beautiful view on the balcony at the Portofino apartment- sunset and fireworks- wah
charades- go 1960s 'grooving' angela hehehehehe

nite