post camp, so where to now? what have i learnt?

Been away for 4 days at Mt Victoria, drove there which was a first experience as it was my first time driving the corolla out of Sydney for a distance on the highway. It wasn't hard or intimidating at all, only thing that was scary was directions but whereis.com provided all the necessary anyway.

So yeah, I shouldn't be intimidate by road trips anymore, they really aren't that bad.

But what do I want to achieve in my walk of life with God now that I'm back? I still have the same issues and the same tribulations, how am I going to apply the teaching at camp to my life?

I think if I could summarise and reduce everything to one concise statement it would be thus: life as a Christian means living for a Jesus, which means crucifying your old self (Galations sumwhere)

I used to think this was such a trite principle, I never really understood its significance.

But being dead to self... that means not letting your old self take control, not letting old hurts, disappointment, conflicts getting in the way with intimacy with God. It means living for a higher purpose, not letting stuff turn you away.

When I heard Darren (the speaker at camp) preach about this subject, it had a huge impact on me. And throughout camp, I felt that I was being tested on this area. After that sermon, there were a few times when people's behaviour and reactions toward me totally put me off, but then I remembered this principle and tried to put everything behind me.... not letting the 'old man' take control... not letting my emotions gain control, being strong minded.

The other thing I wanna work at is TRUST. Will blog about my thoughts on trust laterz ;)

Anyway I'm not sure whether I making much sense, if you're reading this Nancy sorry if this sounds too preachy man. I want to be a consistent person, not a different person for every friend I have just so that I 'fit' in y'know. So I have resolved to 'OUT' myself as a Christian so too speak, but I will never impose my views on other people.

Voluntary work at the careers fair

Can't believe I got myself involved in such a thing, it was heaps of fun tho. Career fairs were depressing as ever,but at least it motivated me to be proactive and get started in thinking where I want to head after I graduate.

I did the 10-2pm shift ystday helping out stands 48-52 set up. Pretty easy stuff, hardest bit was getting the magnetic display to come together.

Saw so many frens there, and made new ones 2 :)

Wow, such a response to angry blogs

I didn't think I'd get such a response from my last posting, seriously I'm not that angry! I probably seem angry when I'm irritated at the time, somehow I can't remain angry for all that long, it sort of dissappates.

its raining buckets outside and the weather is as depressing as ever. Reminds me of England, somehow depressing weather isn't so depressing when your in England and your on holiday. Anyway I don't thinkI can handle winter weather unless its in a snowy environment. Skiing is so much fun, wonder whether I could fit in a trip to the mountains this July.

Probably not since I have to do some winter elective since I can't go back to Msia since I can't get confirmation of my exams dates. How frustrating yeah.

ni daodi wei shenmo? (What the hell are you doing?)

Flicked onto SBS to watch a Taiwanese move tonight, wasn't bad, the lead girl actor was a bit weird though. The story centers on a girl who is secretly in love with her best friend, who is secretly in love with this guy called Zhang. So the girl goes out with Zhang and acts as an intermediary between the two but Zhang falls in love with her instead of her best friend. And she still remains in love with her best friend. Interesting spin on the love triangle.

Oh yeah, the title of this post is a line that those characters like to say.. weird i know

Anyway the movie reminded me of Asia.... how I long to go back... this is the first time I haven't gone back in a year.... somehow it doesnt' feel long and I'm actually getting used to it but I still feel the need to go back to my roots.

Anyway, I've resolved to stay CLEAR from LEACHES... I'm so pissed off with this person, everytime X is online X asks 'I need to meet up with you'.. and then goes and 'GIVE ME THIS'.. how bloody rude is that?!!!

Anyway sticking clear of it, X has serious issues!!!!!

Omg, so many people on so late at nite

Seriously, I log on at 1:30 am and there's like 20 people online, don't people sleep anymore?!

I was feeling warm and cozy in bed, I probably could have slumbered off but my mind was too active. I've been reading and reading last few days and its really got my brain in a higher mode. Plus, peer tutoring has got me thinking, all these great ideas and inspiration hits me just as I'm about to go to sleep which is annoying cos I'll forget them as soon as sleep y'know.

Anyway the winter is seriously depressing, I know its not winter yet but it certainly feels like it. The rain and the clouds and greyness of it all, how can people live in such conditions?!

Makes me feeling like fleeing the country, I'd so like to after I graduate. I think that there's an expectation that I should be working tho, anyway I'm going to find more info on that Japan exchange thing. I'd so be a lifetime experience, better go before my chances disappate.

so bored, so tired, there's nothing to do at uni!

I need to sleep, been at uni since 9 am today and i'm leaving at 9.30pm cos thats when class ends.

The computers in the labs at law school are so cool?! but I gotta figure out how to install messenger and other programs, emessenger just doesn't meet the cut!

Had my first sessions of peer tutoring as a peer tutor today, omg, i so wish I went through the program in first year, would have saved me from so much unnecessary angst and stress!
On the whole, my 'students' seem really nice, anyway they better be nice or else me going to go nuts!

Can't believe its taken so long for me to figure out law school, was it because i wasn't looking at the big picture?

A response to the times of desperation

Thanks Gas for the insightful comments on graduate jobs, LOL i was pretending to be stupid in my last post by the way, I actually do know what a graduate job is thank you very much!

Anyway, I know I should be looking for one but the truth of the matter is that I'm soooo not prepared to look for one. I've barely got myself grounded in this semester, it took me a week and a half to decide on my 3RD elective which meant that I effectively missed 3 classes.

So all my friends are racing to apply, I think I might apply to one or two. But I so hope I don't get it, not that I would get one anyway!

yeah, so I've learnt a lot today, I've learnt to take it easy, I've learnt not to get JEALOUS, learnt not to beat myself up for not achieving as others have, learnt not to get myself in a depressive mood just because I haven't got any High Distinctions in my legal career, I've learnt to see the big picture, learnt to APPRECIATE my friends and all the good things in my life.

At the end of the day, I just want to appreciate the sunset from my front porch, do a job to which I'm well suited and get paid a REASONABLE amount so that I don't live in absolute poverty.

Would it be so bad to work as a teacher, or a paralegal, or a journalist, or as customer service officer in the bank?

Do I really want to work for a multi billion top tier law firm where I couldn't cope with the work load? Am I really that sharp and intelligent for that?

Its all about being grounded and realistic. Is this the concept of being "grounded in Christ"??

All I know is that knowing God just frees me from this business of not being able to compete with high achievers ..

Graduate jobs, what are those?

More worries, what are graduate jobs and how do you get them? What do you do after you graduate?

I haven't even thought that far, I've only had my mind on this year and how I have to get good marks etc.

Anyway, some advice would be useful for those who know what happens after you graduate ;)

7 pm Sunday night

So tired, need to sleep!

Overate today, had waffles, mini chocolate mud cake from St Michels and Twister Burger Combo meal from KFC.

So sad leaving myer yesterday, I'm glad Nancy missed me ;) haha, I will miss certain individuals who go shopping when they are supposed to be working, individuals who do 'private research' on co-workers esp BIOTHERM visitors!

Sat morning

Beautiful Sat morning, have to work my last shift at myer from 1-6pm today. So weird..

Still haven't fixed up my uni timetable. I got into Japanese Law and context on Friday, but now I'm considering a change to Advanced contracts. If I do change then I will have to go to uni Tuesday and Wednesday nites!

I seriously don't know what to do. I've changed my subjects countless times, I'm not very sure of myself anymore.

I know I should make firm decisions and just let things settled. Thing is i'm so fickle minded and I change my mind all the time!

Help!

I'm so stressed!

I don't think I've ever been so stressed! I'm just so sick and tired of everything

I've moved my car around countless times today, so meaningless trying to find parking round uni. I resent the fact that all the unlimited parking spaces require me to walk so far just to get to uni. I resent the fact that law textbooks are 'see-beh' heavy.

Dammit, why have I changed my timetable so much. Now I'm stuck doing nite classes Thursday nite. Not that I don't want spend my thurs nites at uni doing water rights law but I just wish I had an easy timetable that allowed me to stay at home more and sleep!

I just want to forget about the terrible day I've had today.

yesterday was great, and now I'm feeling lousy again from today.

Whoa.. whoah.. whoah..

a dear friend of mine sent me a link to her potential boyfriend's blogsite so I visited it and was totally blown away at the depth and thinking of some fellow human beings.

Its amazing (and depressing) to spectacle how people younger than yourself are so much intelligent.

Makes me humble myself, I'm going to find my own path in life.